the timing is perfect

You know how certain things/people just come into your life at a perfect time? How there's certain things that you had absolutely no influence in creating, but they fit your life perfectly?

In 2001, Dave and I opened Hi-Fidelity. Well, we started working on getting the space ready in December 2000, but we didn't really open until 2001. It was kind of a shot in the dark, something that was probably doomed from the get-go, but we went for it anyway. The suburbs aren't exactly the best place for a punk rock record store, but what the hell, right? We knew enough people, and had seen enough happen, to know that this was something that needed to happen. Smash! was slowly going down the drain, they weren't really even selling new releases anymore. So here we were, the go-to place to get new hardcore records, at least at a decent price. And maybe that was part of our downfall, sticking by our belief that we would never sell an independent label CD for more than $14. We obviously had a hard time doing that when certain labels had their wholesale costs set at $11, but we did it. Too bad we started to get undercut by Best Buy selling the same CDs for $9. Oh well.

A few months pass, and we start gaining some attention. We're seeing more and more people come in that we've never seen before, and more and more kids that I knew lived in DC and other various places north of Woodbridge. It felt really good to know that people were supporting what we were doing, and were appreciative of our goal in opening the store. There was still more that I wanted to do, though. I had been wanting to have shows at the store from the beginning, and things just started to line up. There were no more shows at the Falls Church VFW, nothing else was really going on, so the proverbial stars were aligned for us to step up. We built a stage, in the back of the store where the dentist rooms used to be, and got a few microphones. We never had a steady sound system that we bought, we just always had people that would help us out with that. So there we were, with a stage and some microphones, all we had to do was get some shows...

September 11th, 2001. We all know what happened, so I won't really delve into that too much here. AFI was in Japan, and they were supposed to be coming back to the US to do some shows with American Nightmare. With all the air travel grounded, they were basically stuck, and American Nightmare needed a show in the DC area. So we did it. In 3 days. We had 3 days notice to set it up, book the other bands (sadly, I can't really remember who else played... I think Dead Serious played, but I'm not sure who else), and promote it. Kids literally came from all over for this show. I had people I know show up from Virginia Beach. A 3 hour drive on 3 days notice. There were so many people there, that we literally had to consider it "sold out", even though we had no idea at all what our capacity was. See, we never bothered with any permits or anything like that, we just had "in-store performances".

It was a dream that I had from the minute we opened the store, and to see it actually happen was honestly one of the best moments of my life. We went on to have some amazing shows there in the following 5 or 6 months, until we closed. We had Good Clean Fun's "last" show, which in true GCF fashion, was definitely not their last show. But kids still came from as far as Kentucky for that show, maybe even further. We had Graves, featuring Dr. Chud and Michale Graves from the Misfits (complete with a huge drum riser for Dr. Chud), which sadly didn't draw very many kids at all. Shawn Brown from Swiz/Dag Nasty told me during a Jesuseater show that we had a great thing going, and that he loved the place. Aaron Bedard from Bane talked a good bit on stage about how great it was, and it was the kind of thing he dreamed of when he was younger. They also wrote a blog entry about it on their website the next day, which I never actually got to see, unfortunately.

I'm not trying to name drop, and I don't intend to sit here and say "Hey this big-time hardcore guy said I was cool". Did it mean a lot to me? Of course. Do I think it makes me "cool"? Not at all. It's just something I'm very proud of. But there were downsides, and that's what this whole thing is about. As anyone that has ever done anything in "the scene" knows, there's bandwagon jumpers. People that are friends with you because you're "important". I found myself surrounded by a lot of these people, and didn't really realize it at the time, I suppose I was too caught up in the moment to notice. But once the store started to go belly up, that's when I began to realize it. When we needed help and support the most, suddenly people weren't around. But oddly enough, I began to hear about how people that weren't the usual coat-tail riders, people that had never even set foot in the store, were wanting to help. Evidently Hot Water Music was down to come up and play a benefit show, and there was also the beginnings of a "secret" AFI show. Neither of these ever panned out, but whatever. It made me happy to know that people I had never met, who just through word of mouth knew what I was doing, wanted to help.

Anyway, I'm getting off track. In May of 2001, Bouncing Souls released "How I Spent My Summer Vacation". It's a great record, if you don't own it, buy it now. Seriously, I'll wait. There's a track on said record, called "True Believers". Now, I liked the song a lot from the first time I heard it, but somehow when I listened to it once these "friends" were disappearing, the song kind of took own a new life, it was like I had never really heard it before. And honestly, it changed my outlook on a lot of things. It made me take a look around and realize who my friends really were, and who was just along for the ride, it made me understand friendship more, and once that all hit, it made me cry (wah!).

There were people that supported us all along, no matter what. People that never asked for a handout, people that never expected anything for free. And those are the people that, to this day, I still call friends. And even some of those that I don't talk to as often anymore, that still did a LOT to help us out... they all mean the world to me to this day.

So here it is, the song that reintroduced itself to me at a perfect time.




I've met some people along the way,
Some of them split some of them stay,
Some of them walk some walk on by,
I've got a few friends I'll love till I die
From all of these people I try to learn,
Some of them shine some of them burn,
Some of them rise some of them fall,
For good or bad I've known them all

We live our life in our own way,
Never really listened to what they say,
The kind of faith that doesn't fade away
We are the true believers
We are the true believers

Well you can fight or you can run,
Hide under a rock till the war is won,
Play it safe and don't make a sound,
But not us we won't back down
True believers all the way,
You and I...

We live our life in our own way,
Never really listened to what they say,
The kind of faith that doesn't fade away
We are the true believers
We are the true believers
True believers

whoa black Bettie.

it's still really hard for me to cope with Bettie being gone. it's been just over 2 weeks since she died, and it's tough. there's still little things all around the apartment that remind me of her, and every now and then, i'll see a shadow out of the corner of my eye and think it's her. sometimes Dharma will run into the guest room, which was basically Bettie's room, and she'll jump up on the bed and sit and look up on the bookshelf where Bettie's bed was, like she's just waiting for her to come back.

it just makes no sense to me, i mean she was only 5 years old, had no prior history of any health problems at all, and then like that... she's gone. i still don't really know what happened, and i never will, so there's no use dwelling on it, because it'll just drive me nuts trying to figure it out. i'm just glad i was able to be with her when she passed, petting her and letting her know that i love her.

she was definitely a little devil, but at the same time, she was the sweetest cat. once she finally got over Dharma being in the house, any time she heard me sit on the couch, she'd be in my lap in seconds. i'm glad to know that she was happy here, unlike the house in Marshall where she was obviously very stressed out. it's weird, but there was a definite difference in her behavior between there and here. i guess it makes sense, since our apartment is brand new and there had never been any other animals in it before. and as long as we're still here, there won't be another cat. as silly as it might seem, this was her house, and it will stay that way.

she'll be missed, and she'll always be in my heart.


current song: sigur ros - hufupukar

time flies.

it's really weird to me going through the facebook list of people that i graduated with (fyi, i hate facebook), and recognizing maaayyyybe 10% of them. and i'm just talking about by name. but i mean really, it's been over 11 years since i graduated high school. jesus christ, that's a long fucking time.

when i think of it like that, maybe my memory isn't as shitty as i thought. maybe it's just because it's been 11 years since i've seen, talked to, or thought of any of these people. sure, i could have gone to my reunion last year, but honestly, i don't care. i stay in touch with a few people, and that's good enough for me.

i think.

what if it turns out some of the people i haven't talked to in forever are completely awesome people? what if the people i wanted nothing to do with could now be my best friends? and on the flip side, what if these same people think i'm the biggest jackass in the world? they're all "grown up", college educated, have kids, etc., and here i am. pretty much the same dude i was 11 years ago, just smarter and more mature. but you know what? fuck it.

i never made it through college because frankly, it bored the shit out of me. but i've still got an awesome job that pays me well. i'm doing something i really love, and i don't have to wear a suit and tie to work. not even close. you know what i wore to work friday? dickies shorts, grime x vans slip-ons, and a seven generations t-shirt. that's not a "casual friday" thing, that's every day attire. so i'm good on the job front.

i don't really want to be a "grown up". sure, i'd like to have a nicer car, and we're looking into buying a house, which are obviously more "grown up" things, but i just have a hard time picturing myself as a stereotypical "grown up". i don't give a shit about the rat race, i'm not going to have kids, and if the hosue i buy has a garage, i'll paint graffiti in it.

i guess the whole point of this was that i think some people just change more than others. and obviously, there's nothign wrong with that. i'm really proud of the people i know that have gone to school, started families, and are living that "grown up" american dream. it's not for me, but do what makes you happy. that's the important thing.


current song: god is an astronaut - rememberance